DOUCHBAGS STRIKE AGAIIN

Check out these hipster douche-bags i caught with my hipster cam on the Bedford Ave platform and on the L train going into Brooklyn.

The guy in the silver was like some sort of human mannequin. He never moved even when the trains came and left. I think he wanted everyone to notice his striking ensemble of silver alien douchebag Jacket and Tight Polyester blend Lee jeans. Oh and lets not forget the matching silver Chuck Taylor's. No hipster is complete without a pair. But i think this guy looks like a native Brooklynite from the neighborhood just trying hard to fit in with his mid-western counterparts. I say this because he didn't look like he came from the mid-west there was something really N.Y.C hipster about him. And also his jeans really looked a little too loose. All the hipster transplants kind of shunned him. Guess they sensed danger. Intruder alert....intruder alert.

This next douchebag fashion victim was wearing the tightest jeans ever made but they still looked loose. Notice how his legs look like they must be brittle twigs underneath those used salvation army women's jeans. And those ugly boots. Arrrgh, whats with the pointy Duran Duran footwear? I guess its a good match for that 80's throw scarf he's got around his skinny hip neck. This meat head was so drunk all he did was mumble incoherently to people all around him and as he stumbled towards the door i was given the honor of watching on as he donated a spectacular piece of hipster artwork right there on the platform. A pile of multi-colored vomit. And they say these hipster transplants don't contribute a damn thing to our fine city huh?.... I beg to differ!

My meager but heartfelt revenge.

Tonight while on my way home from work i struck a minor blow to the hipster douchebag transplant body. And it felt GREAT. I was watching this guy and girl hipster couple as they drunkly stumbled aboard the Brooklyn bound L train at first ave. Probably coming from a trendy L.E.S bar en route to thier overpriced apartment in "Billyburg" or "The Shwick". The guy was dressed as the typical follower that most hipsters are. He wore tight ass pants (minus the ass), a grey fedora hat and thick black rimmed glasses(all typical hipster attire). Him and his female counter part were talking at an obnoxiously loud decibal. Thank god i had my headphones on. I buried them even deeper into my ears to protect me from the vile language and meaningless conversation that began to corrupt the quality of my tunes. The passengers around them kept glancing at these morons and i saw nothing but contempt and annoyance in their eyes. Most people at this hour are tired from a full workday and they are relaxing and pondering about thier lives, their day, and just trying to get to their destinations. Some were reading books or listening to music like myself and at this juncture of the day as the midnight hour approaches most straphangers do not look forward to being annoyed. But there we all were, kidnapped by a couple of hipster douchbags. In the midst of our serenity being held hostage the train pulled into the Lorimer Street station and the couple began to disembark. The next few seconds moved in slow motion for me. The guy stumbled towards the door with the chick in tow. She was right in the middle of crossing my path when i realized where her next footfall would land. In about half a second her right foot would land right between my size eleven Nike Airs. If i twist my left foot just a little.......Hmmm here it goes....her foot landed just as i anticipated....I twisted and slightly turned the angle of my sneaker and BAM. Her foot was underneath mine. When she next stepped......BAM.....The desired effect was indeed achieved. The Hipster Moron stumbled towards the door and nearly fell off the train as the doors opened. She then glanced back at me. I shot her daggers with my sharp hazel eyes and i dug them deep into her simple soul. She knows a native New Yorker when she sees one. She immediatly turned away and quickly shuffled after her man. Who was by that time halfway down the platform and totally oblivious. I cracked a wide devious grin, looked around and noticed someone watching me. This woman who i assumed observed my trickery was looking at me and smiling. It felt good. I know it was silly, childish and even dangerous....But it felt really freakin good and even now, 2 hours later, i sit completely satisfied with myself and i smile. Strike one for a Real New York Starving Artist. The war has only just begun. Just thought i would share that.