The Pants The Pants The Freakin Tight Pants!!!

Well well well....I was just wonderin why these maggots are wearing those tight pants. Trying not to be too judgmental about personal style while just feeling plain ol disgusted by these peoples style. Its that scientific center of my persona that tells me not to question this one style snafu because there is an underlying benefit. Although it is an eyesore, my inner scientist consoles me with data that speaks of smaller genitalia and blood deprived testicles. Which of course means less babies. Yes thats right, less hipster douchbags will produce offspring because of this out of date fashion. Keep it up guys. Keep wearing your girlfriends pants and i will keep producing healthy Anti-Hipster Spermatazoa. And one day this city and possibly this world will be free of the hipster for once and for all.

Love, light and lunacy

The Dante

My meager but heartfelt revenge.

Tonight while on my way home from work i struck a minor blow to the hipster douchebag transplant body. And it felt GREAT. I was watching this guy and girl hipster couple as they drunkly stumbled aboard the Brooklyn bound L train at first ave. Probably coming from a trendy L.E.S bar en route to thier overpriced apartment in "Billyburg" or "The Shwick". The guy was dressed as the typical follower that most hipsters are. He wore tight ass pants (minus the ass), a grey fedora hat and thick black rimmed glasses(all typical hipster attire). Him and his female counter part were talking at an obnoxiously loud decibal. Thank god i had my headphones on. I buried them even deeper into my ears to protect me from the vile language and meaningless conversation that began to corrupt the quality of my tunes. The passengers around them kept glancing at these morons and i saw nothing but contempt and annoyance in their eyes. Most people at this hour are tired from a full workday and they are relaxing and pondering about thier lives, their day, and just trying to get to their destinations. Some were reading books or listening to music like myself and at this juncture of the day as the midnight hour approaches most straphangers do not look forward to being annoyed. But there we all were, kidnapped by a couple of hipster douchbags. In the midst of our serenity being held hostage the train pulled into the Lorimer Street station and the couple began to disembark. The next few seconds moved in slow motion for me. The guy stumbled towards the door with the chick in tow. She was right in the middle of crossing my path when i realized where her next footfall would land. In about half a second her right foot would land right between my size eleven Nike Airs. If i twist my left foot just a little.......Hmmm here it goes....her foot landed just as i anticipated....I twisted and slightly turned the angle of my sneaker and BAM. Her foot was underneath mine. When she next stepped......BAM.....The desired effect was indeed achieved. The Hipster Moron stumbled towards the door and nearly fell off the train as the doors opened. She then glanced back at me. I shot her daggers with my sharp hazel eyes and i dug them deep into her simple soul. She knows a native New Yorker when she sees one. She immediatly turned away and quickly shuffled after her man. Who was by that time halfway down the platform and totally oblivious. I cracked a wide devious grin, looked around and noticed someone watching me. This woman who i assumed observed my trickery was looking at me and smiling. It felt good. I know it was silly, childish and even dangerous....But it felt really freakin good and even now, 2 hours later, i sit completely satisfied with myself and i smile. Strike one for a Real New York Starving Artist. The war has only just begun. Just thought i would share that.

Anti hipsters unite

I was sitting on the L train today on the way to Manhattan from a comfortable apartment that my girlfriend and i share in Bushwick. All of a sudden the train doors swing open and the car fills with these people. I was staring at my sneakers kinda spaced out, my head filled with thoughts of my impending workday. My left foot was tapping away to the melodious riffs of Queens of the stoneage. Suddenly i felt the crowd closing in on me as i realized the train had come to another stop and the oxygen in the car was literally being siphoned from my lungs. I picked my head out of its alternative reality and looked around. What happened in two mere train stops was likened to a time warp. I was thrown into a pop video from the seventies or eighties or so it seemed. The characters which now so uncomfortably surrounded me were a mix of shag haircuts and Buddy Holly glasses, thick side burns, beards, thick mustaches like magnum P.I. The woman all wore incredibly ugly shoes. Most of their clothes looked as if they were salvaged from a salvation army bin from way back in the day. I thought i caught a glimpse of Cindy Lauper, my head swung left and there was that singer for The Flock of Seagulls. Some one elbowed me and apologized. I turned and said " No problem" Holy crap, bad Bob dillon look alike. I rubbed my eyes. I shook my head and returned my focus to the tip of my no longer tapping foot.Heavens to murgatroid......This was Bedford and the last stop was Lorimer. The hipsters are taking over and there seems nothing we can do. Or is there?