- So there i was relaxing to a sip of sweet Bustello coffee on a bright and sunny saturday afternoon. I leaned back and left clicked, opening my e-mail and BAM! i was suddenly assaulted by a hipster douchebag right there in my very livingroom. This meathead named Daniel Gdula had left numerous comments on my blog. All of them were equally disturbing and spoke to me volumes of information about this pathetic individuals sad sad life. Daniel then topped it off by lashing out on me and commenting on a picture of me saying that i looked like a "whigger fagott" Well Danny boy the jig is up. First of all you are obviously homophobic which i am not. Oh Danny boy, whats the matter huh? (Did your uncle touch you one too many times in your no no spot?) You are also a racist, which i am not. (Must be that all the minority kids used to beat little Danny up in the school yard and make him eat dirt sandwiches) He he he. This blog of mine is as i have mentioned is a safe place for me to vent my anger and frustration about the gentrification of my town, my village, Brooklyn NY. And then you come along and leave a trail of nonsensical comments that are fueled by your anger, your pain, your dissappointment of a life gone terribly wrong. The real cherry on the icecream is when you see this cats picture. The first thing that came to mind was" This guy has got to be kidding, is he for real??"..."One of my friends must be pulling my leg" And then i doubled over, rocked by the meanest belly laugh i have had in a long time. Ladies and gentleman i tell you, you must see this picture to believe it. Magnum P.I (Pathetic Idiot) is what i call This.He has some nerve calling me gay, will you look at that moustache (PICTURE BELOW) and don't forget to leave some nice comments for Daniel the douchebag! And do read all his comments which i will allow to litter my page for your viewing pleasure . This fool left a trail of crumbs leading to his blogger page and his profile. You have to see it to believe it. Yes, he disses the hipsters and then has the puppy nuts to sport a fedora hat with a thick ass hairy caterpiller above his upper lip!!! He has some nerve in branding me a fag, just look at this clowns bad Bleach job. Daniel i am sorry to tell you that you are the one who looks gay...you are the infintile loser who lashes out at people with rhetoric that he can just as easily claim as commentary about himself. How truly sad. Daniel for your information this is a place for me to" safely" vent my anger for a reason. Yes This is my anger management zone. Why is that? Well if you read my Rap sheet, if you read the profile written about me by the Government then you would dare never ever say that crap to my face. Franky i doubt you have the nutsack to comment in this fashion to anyones face. That is because Daniel Gdula, you are a coward with no heart whatsoever. You are nothing but a worm. Go back to that little hole in the ground that you and all your hipster buddies slithered out of and give me a buzz when your balls drop! Arghhh.....Danieal Gdula...Another hipster douchbag...When will the madness end?
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Meeting with The self proclaimed artist Chad from Wisconsin and his bed headed roommate Lars, both who are students at Parsons and whose tight ass pants revealed both their cash flow and their stage of puberty:
"Further out......wait a second....My friends told me that the further away from the city...the more...well...it's kinda Ghetto out there isn't it?"
"Listen, it does get a little ...Ethnic in some areas...But you guys have to understand that Brooklyn simply isn't how it used to be.....It's totally safe for you people now."
Chad looks at Lars with an expression of alarm. One of many skills that a native new yorker acquires is the ability to sense fear and at this moment i can smell the fear leaking out of this guy....it pollutes the air around us like a serious case of bad gas. I'm starting to get pissed off at this scared ass country boy. Something tells me that in a couple of weeks he's gonna be wearing a t-shirt that says "Brooklyn" on it. And when people ask him where he's from he is undoubtedly going to respond with his bony chest all puffed out and a little bass in his voice...."I'm from Brooklyn." This isn't intuition that speaks to me. This is experience. I feel the tension rising in the side of my neck. I must relax.... breathe...calm down.
"No worries fellas. (I smile) I do have a tiny studio apartment for $2600 on Monitor Street. That's quite a gorgeous neighborhood actually. and the building is brand new with giant windows, video intercom, private roof deck and a designer kitchen. You two could split that place and its only a short walk to Bedford Avenue."
He slaps Lars a jubilant high five. He turns towards me. I'm not smiling. Not amused at all.
"Well....yes lets go see this apartment Mr Dante. And then i have to make a call to mom and dad. I think Brooklyn and i are gonna be a perfect match after all. Isn't that right Lars?"
So there you have it. Yes it's true. I rent apartments to Hipsters. So what! I have recently come under much criticism here because people wonder why i would rent to individuals that i detest. Well.....A long time ago i decided that i would cash in on this unfortunate invasion of our urban culture. I have studied society enough to know that gentrification is a sad truth. It is bigger than you and i and Chad and all the people that we know. I figure that ,like a bad movie, it will be over eventually and rather than sit and complain i might as well sell tickets to the show. I also figure that i can attack this plague on two fronts. I can write about it here, expose these morons and expand peoples awareness. I can also have these Douche bags pay my rent and other bills. So you see in this way they can fuel the very fire that burns them. He he he.....So there it is. I do hate hipsters....And i LOVE New York.
Friday, August 15, 2008
The guy in the silver was like some sort of human mannequin. He never moved even when the trains came and left. I think he wanted everyone to notice his striking ensemble of silver alien douchebag Jacket and Tight Polyester blend Lee jeans. Oh and lets not forget the matching silver Chuck Taylor's. No hipster is complete without a pair. But i think this guy looks like a native Brooklynite from the neighborhood just trying hard to fit in with his mid-western counterparts. I say this because he didn't look like he came from the mid-west there was something really N.Y.C hipster about him. And also his jeans really looked a little too loose. All the hipster transplants kind of shunned him. Guess they sensed danger. Intruder alert....intruder alert.
This next douchebag fashion victim was wearing the tightest jeans ever made but they still looked loose. Notice how his legs look like they must be brittle twigs underneath those used salvation army women's jeans. And those ugly boots. Arrrgh, whats with the pointy Duran Duran footwear? I guess its a good match for that 80's throw scarf he's got around his skinny hip neck. This meat head was so drunk all he did was mumble incoherently to people all around him and as he stumbled towards the door i was given the honor of watching on as he donated a spectacular piece of hipster artwork right there on the platform. A pile of multi-colored vomit. And they say these hipster transplants don't contribute a damn thing to our fine city huh?.... I beg to differ!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Love, light and lunacy