Monday, March 10, 2008

My meager but heartfelt revenge.

Tonight while on my way home from work i struck a minor blow to the hipster douchebag transplant body. And it felt GREAT. I was watching this guy and girl hipster couple as they drunkly stumbled aboard the Brooklyn bound L train at first ave. Probably coming from a trendy L.E.S bar en route to thier overpriced apartment in "Billyburg" or "The Shwick". The guy was dressed as the typical follower that most hipsters are. He wore tight ass pants (minus the ass), a grey fedora hat and thick black rimmed glasses(all typical hipster attire). Him and his female counter part were talking at an obnoxiously loud decibal. Thank god i had my headphones on. I buried them even deeper into my ears to protect me from the vile language and meaningless conversation that began to corrupt the quality of my tunes. The passengers around them kept glancing at these morons and i saw nothing but contempt and annoyance in their eyes. Most people at this hour are tired from a full workday and they are relaxing and pondering about thier lives, their day, and just trying to get to their destinations. Some were reading books or listening to music like myself and at this juncture of the day as the midnight hour approaches most straphangers do not look forward to being annoyed. But there we all were, kidnapped by a couple of hipster douchbags. In the midst of our serenity being held hostage the train pulled into the Lorimer Street station and the couple began to disembark. The next few seconds moved in slow motion for me. The guy stumbled towards the door with the chick in tow. She was right in the middle of crossing my path when i realized where her next footfall would land. In about half a second her right foot would land right between my size eleven Nike Airs. If i twist my left foot just a little.......Hmmm here it goes....her foot landed just as i anticipated....I twisted and slightly turned the angle of my sneaker and BAM. Her foot was underneath mine. When she next stepped......BAM.....The desired effect was indeed achieved. The Hipster Moron stumbled towards the door and nearly fell off the train as the doors opened. She then glanced back at me. I shot her daggers with my sharp hazel eyes and i dug them deep into her simple soul. She knows a native New Yorker when she sees one. She immediatly turned away and quickly shuffled after her man. Who was by that time halfway down the platform and totally oblivious. I cracked a wide devious grin, looked around and noticed someone watching me. This woman who i assumed observed my trickery was looking at me and smiling. It felt good. I know it was silly, childish and even dangerous....But it felt really freakin good and even now, 2 hours later, i sit completely satisfied with myself and i smile. Strike one for a Real New York Starving Artist. The war has only just begun. Just thought i would share that.

6 comments:

Heather said...

This is great - thanks for taking NYC back! Hipsters were one of the reasons that I left New York.

Anonymous said...

Trust fund babies activate!

Form of - an annoyingly spoiled kid who thinks that by moving into a culturally diverse neighborhood makes him, well, culturally diverse.

Shape of - a whiny little brat who drives out the culture of a neighborhood until there is none left by living in high priced apartments that only other hipsters can afford!

Anonymous said...

Wow dude, I hate hipsters as much as the next guy, but you're just creeping me out.

This is like... 2 steps away from serial killer mentality.

Anonymous said...

yea tough guy! you've got the right idea: tripping a young woman on purpose and then writing an angry, detailed blog about how much you're sattisfied with yourself. you're really tough shit. the thing is, there's a place and time to fuck around with hipsters, but come on it's a little pathetic that you care so much, when there was only two of them and you could've just gone back to listening to your shitty queens of the stoneage.
you're just embarrassing yourself.

Anonymous said...

Awesome! I have often thought about shenking hipsters on the L while on my way to work at five am... you know, when they are just returning from partying all night on their parents dime.

Anonymous said...

You're an idiot. You purposely tripped a young woman? You're proud of your behavior? Your obsession over "hipsters" seems to be fueled by your own grossly apparant insecurities.